10. 4 Tips on Finding the “One”
For Muslims there is no better example or precedent of an ideal husband than the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He was the most loving, kind, humble, merciful, compassionate, loyal, trust-worthy, and generous husband to ever have existed; indeed his example in every facet of life is perfect and the list of his attributes are far too many to enumerate, may the peace and blessings of God be upon him. For this reason, he is the standard every Muslim woman should use when looking for a spouse. For Muslim men, the standards of what to look for in an ideal wife are found in the prophetic tradition: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.”
9.) Internet Pornography: Destroying Us From Within
“The expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action” – Shakespeare
- There are approximately 4.2 million pornographic websites (roughly 12 %) on the internet today
- Every second 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
- 47% percent of families have said that pornography is a problem in their home.
- In 2003, inappropriate conduct on the Internet, mainly pornography, was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces.
8.) A Mother’s Reflection of Grief & Loss in Islam
“Whoever finds love beneath hurt and grief disappears into emptiness with a thousand new disguises.” Rumi
In 1999 I embraced Islam. The journey to Islam was long and experiential. I became involved with Westernized Sufism prior to Islam for many years, studying various methods to work on myself and dabbling in teachings that seemed to “fit” my lifestyle. Embracing Islam in 1999 came as a great blessing from Allah: Those whom Allah wants to guide He opens their breast to Islam, (Quran 6:125). I didn’t know it at the time, but my conversion prepared me for the incredible hardship that lied ahead for me: the losses of my two sons in 2002 and 2006. Ironically enough, they both died from “accidental deaths”. They were very close in age and the losses for me were profound tests of patience and forbearance in a time of extreme grief and questions of “why” did this have to happen?
7.) Finding the Right Match for You
When it comes to selecting a partner for marriage the first and most obvious step is to know what you want. Unfortunately, most people today don’t really know what that is. That’s not to say they don’t have an ideal, because let’s face it, most of us do. We live in a society that thrives on idealizing romance and courtship. We all want to receive that letter from our secret admirer (who just also happens to be perfect in every way-ha!) professing their undying love to us; or hear that pebble hit our bedroom window late at night to find the love of our life standing there ready to serenade us; or to take a walk hand in hand along the beach with our beloved and eventually ride away in the sunset together. For years we’ve seen these exact scenes played out countless times on our favorite television programs or movies, so it makes sense that that is what we expect or think of when hear the words ‘love’ or ‘romance’.
6.) Will Your Friendship Last?
“Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.” – Aristotle
From the early days of pre-school and kindergarten through the final days of college and into our working years, we form friendships that are based on mutual interests, trust, loyalty, and of course fun. Some of those friendships come and go, some fade away completely and some evolve and are strengthened with time and life experience. The test of a truly solid friendship is one that we are certain will be there until the very end, the type that abounds with unconditional love and loyalty that we often only read about but rarely experience, unless of course, we’re among the blessed.
5.) 6 Things NOT to Say to Someone Who Is Divorced
Divorce is never easy.
But it’s the reality for 50% of American couples and 31% of American Muslim couples. With these statistics, you’re likely to have friends or know people in your community who have been divorced or are currently experiencing a divorce.
4.) Handling a Breakup with Dignity
“Once you divorce women, and they have reached the end of their waiting period, then either retain them in all decency or part from them decently. Do not retain them just to act mean with them; anyone who does that merely hurts himself” (Quran 2:231).
The “Highs” & Lows of Love
“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” – Lao Tzu
Falling in love can make you feel as if you are high on cloud nine. You see the world in a totally different way which in turn impacts how you act and appear physically. A relationship break-up can be equally emotional regardless of the time spent with the loved one. Just as falling in love can stimulate the same region of the brain that is connected to cocaine and nicotine addiction, so can the break-up. A break-up can be similar to going through withdrawal from cocaine and nicotine just as falling in love can be similar to getting high on cocaine and nicotine. The reason a break-up can be so painful for us not only mentally but physically is because our brains are wired for bonding.
3.) 25 Signs Your Relationship is in Serious Trouble, Part I
In no particular order of precedence, the following list includes observations I have made in over ten years of helping couples with their relationships. Please take each item on the list with deep consideration and thought and do not jump to conclusions on the sole basis of what you read below; no one knows your relationship better than you.
2.) The Truth About Domestic Violence
“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night.” – Mark Green
The amount of abuse that happens in Muslim households today has increased dramatically. It is an unfortunate reality that has been hidden and ignored for far too long in our community. There is no excuse for this or any type of abuse in Islam, yet we continue to see women coming into counseling who are petrified to go back to their homes. If there are children, they almost always know about the abuse and have often witnessed it. Not only has it destroyed Muslim families but it has also weakened the Muslim community. In 2000, the North American Council for Muslim Women reported that approximately 10 % of Muslim women were emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by their husbands. Islam came to liberate the woman, not confine her to one space and take away her rights and dignity. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “I recommend that you treat women with goodness. The best of you are those who treat their wives the best.”
1.) 10 Ways To Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person
There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone. A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent.
